Sunday, July 29, 2018

Jumble of Thoughts in a day

I wake up angry because I couldn’t sleep last night. Only a few hours of interrupted sleep that doesn’t provide any rest. My first thoughts are:
letting the dogs out, making sure they have fresh water and food. 
Then I think of giving my daughter her medicine on an empty stomach so she can have breakfast in 30 minuets. 
Next I need to make coffee for myself and tea for my husband. 
I have to remember what day it is so I won’t miss any appointments. 
I check my phone to see if anything Earth shattering has happened in the world while I was trying to sleep. I check CNN, BBC, Reuters, Tweeter, BF News & maybe Facebook. 
The thought that Trump is still President weighs heavily on all my thoughts. I think it’s worse than s nightmare. In a nightmare you wake up at some point. 
The news is never good. Fires raging in California and Greece, people dead, firefighters dead. Refugee children are still in cages. News of abuse and mistreatment. Pregnant women shackled. Rampant corruption in this awful administration. The nightmare doesn't end. 
What shall we have for lunch when the temperature is 100 degrees Fahrenheit?
I have to clean the refrigerator and get rid of all the rotting fruits and vegetables. 
ISIS is coming back. Middle East is still in turmoil. 
Tomorrow is garbage collection day I have to put out all the bins. 
Trump and the Iranian President exchange harsh words. 
I get a call from one sister in Armenia, all is great we miss each other. 
My backyard is a mess I need to get rid of excess furniture. 
Mass shootings still continue in the country. 
I need to water my flowers and plants before they dry out and die. 
Don't forget to vote blue. 
Oh there is a ton of laundry. It's all the towels we used for the pool or when we take two or three showers a day because it’s 106 by 3 pm. Our air conditioner is freezing after an hour of use so we are going to spend about $15,000.00 to be able to sleep again. 
My husband watches news all day. Did he know about the meeting? Is Cohen lying? Is Julianne insane?  Will the GOP wake up?
I’m feeling lonely, my son and his family are on a mini vacation and I miss my munchkins.  On weekends my husband doesn’t want to do anything because he’s resting. I don’t work outside the home so weekends and weekdays are no different, they all blend into each other like one long yawn. 
I need to get rid of my high hill shoes because I have no need for them same goes for my suits. All the uptight clothes that I wore to my banking job need to go. I'm bored. When will I paint again? When I can move around in my room.
Should I have a yard sale? My things are not selling on OfferUp and let go. People prefer free stuff. 
Maybe I should go to the beach or maybe a casino? I can never be alone. 
Have I taken my meds? I better have, lest I kill myself or someone else. :) 
Have a nice day everyone.

Monday, March 26, 2018

What I Believe In.

All humans have equal rights

Religion is the bane of all misery

Extremism in anything is dangerous

Economic inequality causes wars

No, love doesn’t solve everything

Boarders don’t separate people, bigotry does

Leave children alone, take your perversions somewhere else

Compassion makes you human not language

If we all shared no one would be hungry

I believe in this song by John Lennon
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world, you
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Songwriters: John Winston Lennon
Imagine lyrics © Downtown Music Publishing

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

My Facebook Friends

My Facebook Friends come in every creed, color and ideology
(And everything in between)
From A to Z

A-My friends are American, Armenian, Arab, Australian, artists, Atheists & animal lovers, 

B-Some of my friends are bankers, beauticians, bachelors, bicyclists and baby lovers,

C-There are some who are clever, creative, cooks, celebrities and cat lovers.

D-Then there are the dog lovers, dare devils, down to earths, Democrats and doctors.

E-I have a few elitists, enlightened ones, elegant ones and earnest friends.

F-Happy to say I have some famous friends, feminists, fearless and fancy friends.

G-I have a lot of good friends, goofy ones,  gorgeous and gritty friends.

H-I'm friends with some honest, hilarious, handsome and hard working friends. 

I-I'm sure I have Iranian friends, inclusionary friends and a lot of idealists.

J-Ii's good to have some jeweler friends, Jewish friends, journalist and just friends.

K-There are karaoke, kale, and kabob lovers, and some Keats and ML King lovers. 

L-I have a lot of logical friends, a few lawyers and some leftist friends.

M-There are some macho friends, some mellow ones, methodical and mocking friends.

N-Not to forget my naive friends, the nationalistic friends and noble friends. 

O-There are my observant friends, otherworldly and a few ostentatious friends. 

P-I have some pacifist as well as poet friends and picky friends.

Q-There is always one quiet friend, possibly a quantizer and a quibbler friend 

R-My rambunctious friends are fun, so are the romantics, & of course the Republicans. 

S-Having smart friends is useful, I like my suave friends and the sensitive ones. 

T-Sleepless friends are always up to chat but slowpokes not so much.

U-Sorry to say I don’t have any ufologists or Ugandan friends but I like to. 

V-I have some valuable friends and some friend with very good values. 

W-Happy to say I have some wine lover friends and unfortunately some whiners too.

X-X-ray technicians, a few Xer friends, but xylophone players are rear these days

Y-I have a yachtswoman & yachtsman but they're not Face-booking much. I have no yakuza or Yalie friends either.

Z-Would be interesting to have one zaddikim friend but I wouldn’t know what to do with a zoftig

Keats-(1916–83) US illustrator and author of children's books
Ostentatious-showy way designed to impress
Pacifist- a person who believes that war and violence are unjustifiable
Quantizer-apply quantum theory to, especially form into quanta
Rambunctious-uncontrollably exuberant; boisterous
Ufologists-the study of UFOs
Xer-another term for Gen Xer.
Yakuza- a Japanese gangster or racketeer.
Zaddikim -a Hasidic spiritual leader or guide

Zoftig-a woman having a full, rounded figure; plump

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Desperate for Answers

Desperate for Answers

When will parents stop feeling guilty about how their children's lives turned out? 
When should a parent shift responsibility for a disabled child to another entity? 
What if a child never becomes an independent adult? 
Should parents put themselves first at any time?
Or children should come first all the time? 
Should parents prepare their children with the eventuality of parental death
At what age do children understand the concept of death
How can any parent guarantee that their disabled child will be taken care of after they’re 
Should the siblings have any responsibility for their sick or disabled sibling? And to what extent? 
Should the extended family be responsible for a child who’s left parentless?
Is it a good idea to appoint an outsider as your Trustee? In appose to a family member? 
Will my disabled adult child feel abandoned if I place her in a group home?
Would I hurt her psychologically if I do?
What if something awful happens to her there? Will she recover emotionally? Will I?
Will I be able to forgive myself?
Have I been using my disabled child as a crutch
Do I blame her for my failures? Or use her as an excuse for them? 
Would I be a different person if she had remained healthy?
How has her life impacted mine?

Can I find answers for these difficult questions?

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

April 24 Imbeded in My Psychie

A long time ago a psychiatrist told me that most Armenian women are depressed, he didn't tell me if this information was the result of a study, I assumed he had treated a large proportion of Armenian  women in his practice.  I am not a psychiatrist nor am I a research scientist but I can guess one reason, the Armenian genocide.  

From a very early age even today, starting from pre-school Armenian children are taught about the Armenian Genocide. Year after year we marked April 24; in the beginning as a mourning day and in more recent times as a remembrance day of the events of April 24, 1915.  We were taught about the atrocities that were committed by the Turkish government. We read books about the events, graphic memoirs, and horifying survivor testimonies. I for one read countless books mostly dealing with Armenian history, specially Western Armenian history.  Even now I remember how these books effected me, I felt great sadness, rage, hopelessness and hatred.  These feelings just kept growing as I matured and understood more. We were always told never to forget what happened to our people.  What I understood from my readings, was that no one cared, no one came to our rescue, no one even attempted.  Then came the denials of the Turkish government.  Despite the fact that this genocide happened 100 years ago, the Armenian genocide is well documented. There are books by non-Armenian writers,  there are pictures, retelling of the events by missionary workers, by American generals, by other countries ambassadors in Turkey. And yet the Turkish government still denies it. 

In my opinion most Armenians have been and are traumatized and scarred by their history. I feel that all new generations will be traumatized and deeply effected until this crime against humanity in general and against Armenians in particular is acknowledged by the Turkish government.

Last year when I saw my 4 year old grand-daughter wearing a commemorative shirt about April 24 it really broke my heart. I felt so sad and angry that this little girl had to know and will know more as she grows about the ugliness and cruelty of humans to their kind. I wish she didn't have to.

Monday, January 19, 2015

My Nieces 

I have 7 sisters and 2 brothers and between them they have 11 daughters. I am 5 years older from my oldest niece and 38 years older from my youngest one. The age range therefore is from middle 50s to early 20s. 

I have been around when some of them were born, I have seen some of them grow up, I have been present at one of their birth’s.  Like most families these days we are scattered across continents and countries. Some of my nieces live close and some are far away and our relationships are the same way, some are close and some are distant. 

Having a large family has many joys, both when you are a child and when you are an adult and one of the joys is having nieces and nephews.  You love them because they are an extension of your brother or sister whom you love. You also love them because they all start from babyhood and babies are adorable. Being part of a large family teaches you how to love that’s why all my brothers and sisters have been loving parents and now loving grandparents. 

I chose to write only about my nieces because my relationships with my sisters are unique and special. I am the youngest girl in my family so most of my life I have been their little sister. I became an adult in their eyes, I think after I was thirty years old.  Being the youngest aunt to my nieces had the advantage that some of them felt closer to me than to their other aunts and I enjoyed that privilege greatly. 

I love all my sisters equally but for different reasons because they are all different individuals with different qualities. I admire all of them for their humane nature, their compassion, their empathy and for their achievements. 

I may have loved my nieces when they were babies because they were beautiful and cute. As they grew up and found their way in life I loved them for their choices, their open mind and their accomplishments 

In my opinion my greatest weakness is my honesty and directness, and with the risk of self injury I will admit publicly that I feel deeply hurt when one of my nieces deceives me, or betrays me or worst of all comes between me and my sister.  

I take solace in the thought that at least some of my sisters still love and value me just like when I was their little sister. 

Friday, November 21, 2014

Lark Rise to Candleford

Lately I find myself watching long, historic, and old fashioned BBC produced Masterpiece Theater series or HBO specials. They have titles such as Lark Rise to Candleford, Downton Abby, Little Dorrit, Wives & Daughters and The Duchess of Duke Street. Most of them are about life in rural England in eighteen and nineteen centuries.  

These stories are mostly about the English society's cast system and the consequence of that unjust social order on peoples lives.  The stories are gripping tales of love, deception, intrigue, war, and  rags to riches tales. I watch them almost none stop, season after season, episode after episode until I really have to tear myself away to do something important like sleeping or eating.  

I started to wonder why I like them so much, what is it about these stories that captivate me so? I have been thinking about this for a few days now. In my mind I go over the details, like the scenery, the settings, the costumes, the storylines, and the morality.  It's true that I like all of these things. There is an abundance of stunning landscapes, charming homes and grand mansions. The women's dresses are intricate and ornate, traditions are honored beguiling. But after contemplating  all of these I found that none of these could make me so enthralled that I couldn't stop watching. 

Then I started watching them with more scrutiny. I started to take note of the dialogue, the emotions and all the hidden meanings. Of course most of these movies are works of literary fiction by great authors and that's the main reason they are so good. But it is more than that. 

I noticed that in these stories even the villains are not evil,  at some point its reviled to us the source of their bitterness and we understand and forgive them.  In these stories everybody is caring, loving and they often make allowances for the others mistakes.  If there are injustices done, the wrongs are made right.  Even the most uneducated and uncultured peasant is capable of expressing profound thoughts. People in these stories are less selfish and think of the common good more often than not.  The insecurities and the peculiarities of people are explained in modern physiological terms and insights. At the end of each story all the misunderstandings are cleared up, all lovers are united, all the orphans are adopted, and the forgotten celebrated. Within these stories life is simple yet rich,  people have very little but they are appreciative of what they have. The rich share their fortunes with the poor, and the poor are not beggars but proud earners and providers. These stories have friendships that are true and neighbors that are friendly. In these stories people are close to nature and they love and protect it. 

These stories tug at your heart and change your mind about the human race and they give you hope. 

And that is why I like them so much.