Mandatory Parenting Classes

There are two very important jobs or careers that no formal training are offered.
One is the job of a president and the other is parenthood.  I will leave the problem of training presidents for more qualified people to worry about, but as far as parenting is concerned I have some definite ideas.  

I should confess that I did not have parenthood training myself. When I had my children all I know was what I had learned from my mother and my mother was a very good one if not the best.  Of course in preparation for my first child's arrival I read books, subscribed to Parents magazine, and after the baby's birth I ask a lot of questions from the pediatrician. 

But all the information available in books or magazines was not a guide for being a good parent, rather it was a haphazard collection of related subjects. Subjects such as breast feeding verses formula,  babies developmental stages, how to deal with sleep problems, fussy eaters or colicky babies.  All the other issues concerning the life of a growing child were left out.  Even if I was able to gather all the information in one place it would still not be a coherent book about good parenting. Also remember we did not have good old Google either. People with common sense or people who have good parents would learn by observing or just experiencing their upbringing. Unfortunately people with common sense are not so common anymore  and good parents are a rear and endangered species.  If you are a good parent and are reading this, don't protest, this is written for not so good ones. 

What prompted me to write about this issue is yet another story of a dead toddler who's father "forgot" about him and left him in his car for 7 hours in scorching 90 degrees heat. Good parents don't forget their children anywhere, because their first priority is the child. If you are a good parent and are driving you talk to the child, you know if he is sleep or wake, if it's his bed or feeding time. You are aware of his presence all the time.  Only horrible or stupid parents would forget to drop off their children at the day care before going to work, only those parents would not remember for 7 hour what they had done.

I have seen and heard too many stories of bad parenting and I have had enough. If it was up to me I would not let anyone get pregnant before passing an intense training for parenting. There should a law that makes this a requirement. As soon as a woman goes for her first doctor's visit for pregnancy the doctor should register her and her partner for classes and refuse to see any one who is not attending these classes.  Parenting classes should be offered in high school as a requirement for graduating.

There are parents who verbally and physically abuse their children. Parents who give cookies to their kids for lunch,  or give them fast food everyday for breakfast, lunch & dinner.  There are parents who put coke or pepsi in their toddlers' bottle instead of water or milk. I have seen too many tired, hungry and frustrated kids in strollers in stores while the idiot mother shops like there is no tomorrow.  I hate it when a kid says mom for tens of times and mom doesn't respond or a child is crying and no one asks what's the matter. These examples are bad but there are lesser degrees of bad parenting that we witness very day. There are parents who have no set bed time for their children, parents who don't wake up with their children to give them breakfast, parents who over indulge their kids with junk food, toys, clothes, gadgets,  parents who use curse words including the F word in the kids presence. The list could go on and on but you get the picture. 

There are hundreds of compelling reasons why there should be parenting classes for people before they have children, these examples are just a few.

But the most important reason of all is because parents raise the next generation of humans and they should make sure they are raising emotionally and physically healthy children. 

A Mother's Day Nightmare

 Last night before falling sleep I was reading a historical novel about ancient Rome. In the story a nobleman was going to feed his slave to blood sucking lampreys because he had broken a valuable goblet.  Maybe because under that unpleasant image I had a very disturbing dream. My dreams are often movie like.

     In this one a hospital was besieged by a terrorist group. The electricity was cut off. Anyone coming to our aid or going out of the hospital would get killed.  At some point a nurse, a few doctors, and some security guards decided to go out together and disarm the terrorists. In the total darkness we couldn't see outside, we only heard loud voices and gun shots. Finally a gurney was pushed inside the doors and on it a bloody body.  Whoever it was started talking telling us what was wrong with him. It turned out that it was one of the doctors.  He was rushed to the operating room. We found one of the security guards, he had a sex change operation done and was bleeding heavily and about to die. The nurse came in walking, in no better shape then the previous victims.

     It seems this whole time I had been sobbing hysterically and my husband would try to wake me up to stop me from crying.  I would wake up feeling very sad and fall sleep again to continue the nightmare. I have no idea why I have such dreams nor can I interpret them in any way, I wish I could. Finally I woke up and today being Mother's Day my husband treated me to breakfast in bed,  a cup of strong coffee and my favorite pastry.  I had a headache from my restless night so I tried to sleep again.

     This time I dreamt it was my wedding day. Everyone was at the reception sitting around big round tables having a sumptuous brunch, everyone but me that is. I couldn't find my wedding dress.  I actually did't have a wedding dress. I remembered ordering one but I didn't remember ever going for fittings. I couldn't find the dress maker's name or the phone number.  My mother was blaming me saying I didn't care for anything as important as my wedding. I was crying again in my dream.

     I woke up and decided I had enough for one day. I thought I would treat myself to reading a short story in the New Yorker.  But then I got bored and I thought I should indulge in my loved pastime, shopping.

     When I got up to get ready, I noticed the pile of laundry waiting to be done, the unmade beds, the dogs, the floors, the plants and flowers the needed watering.  Last week I was too busy doing things to please others so I hadn't had time to do my own work. The guilt that I always feel if I don't include my daughter in my outings which I never do. I decided against going out. You see I'm still a mother, Mother's Day or not. Other people's needs always come first. No I'm not a saint, nor do I want to glorify myself or put mothers on a pedestal. It's just thats how I am and I know a lot of mothers who are just as bad as I.

"HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOTHERS ON EARTH"

Chang & Tradition (Written July 2011)

     If I've learned one thing in my life is that change happens whether we like it or not. People change, seasons change, places change, laws change, every thing changes. Even mountains and oceans change, everything that exits changes. Another thing I've learned is that most people don't like change and the older they get they dislike change even more. I don't know why this is but the simple explanation would be that people are creatures of habit. Consistency is easy, comfortable and un-complicated. That's the reason we don't change our car insurance even if we know it's expensive, that's why people don't refinance their high interest rate mortgage loans, it's the reason people use the same incompetent accountant, lawyer or mechanic year after year. 

     In my place of work I hear this question almost every day. Customers ask "why do people change here so much?" I have worked in the same place for more than a year and so have a lot of other co-workers. But as soon as we get one new person we are asked that question. I don't know why it's so hard to understand that people change jobs. Some get fired, some get promoted, some quit and others retire. What is so complicated or unusual about this that perplexes people? It's because they don't like change. They want to see the same people every time they come in, doing the same job, standing in the same spot. 

     Who would still want cars with maximum speed of 45 miles per hour? Who doesn't like the convenience of cell phones, or the miracle of the Internet? Who hasn't benefited from all the great changes in the medical field and the amazing verity of life saving procedures? Just imagine if we didn't have all the modern technological discoveries that happened in the last 50 years that have greatly improved our quality of life. My mom used to comment all the time that our life was so much easier compared to hers in respect to the conveniences of domestic life, from shopping to cooking and cleaning to child rearing.  

     With all this said there is still a place for traditions and why we cherish them. In my opinion family traditions are created when we do something together as a family that is fun and enjoyable and it creates found memories. There is this family tradition that every summer when some of us go, or have gone to Armenian, we go to my sister's "dacha", Russian word for villa or summer house in English, and when it's time to go back to the city, we take a group picture sitting on the same sofa. Every year some of the people in the picture change depending on whoever happens to be visiting Armenia that year. There is always the home owners and maybe an odd person, a guest or a friend but the picture is always taken from the same angle on the same sofa. One year the sofa broke, I guess because we all had gained a few pounds from eating too much kabob. We laughed so much that some of us peed in our pants and that made us laugh even more.                        Those are precious memories and they are unforgettable and priceless.

     I like the tradition of having Thanksgiving dinner in my house every year. I think I will continue this tradition for as long as I can cook, maybe until I'm eighty. 
    We have Armenian Christmas at another one of my sisters house and we haven't missed it for 34 years. Her youngest son was born that night 34 years ago and that makes this tradition doubly fun. No matter where we are we always end up in her house on that night. 
     Another of my my sisters (I have seven of them lucky me) lives by a high school and every 4th of July they have fire works at nine o'clock. She cooks hamburgers, hot dogs and barbecue chicken and we always have plenty of beer. Each year the family grows bigger thanks to my nieces and nephews and now my son who has a little girl. The kids run around in the backyard, climb trees and walls, and eat lots of food. The grownups talk about life, work, blood pressure and our weight problems and everything else in between. We all have a wonderful time and go home tired and happy.  

     

I juts want our kids to continue our family traditions because that is the one thing that will bind us to each other. In this cold and ever changing world all we have that is genuine is family love. You can't buy it, rent it or borrow it. Let's leave something behind for our kids besides our national debt. Let's leave them our legacy of good old fashioned family traditions. After all blood is thicker than water.   

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WHY I CELEBRATE THE INDEPENDENCE DAY

     I was not born in America but I came here as a young woman. My intention was to get an education and go back to where I had come from. But things changed in my birth country and I decided to stay.
I went to school here, got married, had children, worked and paid taxes. I became a citizen and I have been voting in every presidential election since. I love to celebrate the 4th of july, the American Independence Day from British rule. I would hate to live in a country that had a king or queen in the 21st  century.
     When I was a newcomer and didn't know much about world history or politics I would wonder why people who had free countries would choose to live in America. In college I had classmates from Vietnam, China, Philippines, and Mexico. I was thinking if Armenia was a free country I would never want to live anywhere else but there.

     At the time Armenia was a Communist Soviet Republic. In 1991 Armenia became an independent country free from Soviet rule. I visited in 2006 and 2007.  My first visit was a dream come true. All my life I had wanted Armenia to be free of the Russians and it finally was. I felt very fortunate to finally see a free and  democratic Armenia. The country is beautiful, full of history and culture, people are nice and hospitable. But even after 22 years of freedom and democracy Armenia still has profound problems. There is high unemployment, poverty, rampant corruption, crime, stollen elections, social problems such as domestic violence  and child abuse. I know that some people will say that America has the same problems even much worse. They would be partially correct. Yes no country on Earth is problem free, but here there are more laws to protect people. There are organizations, and institutions to deal with these problems. In Armenia some of the problems are not even acknowledged as problems. Anyone reading any Armenian news publication or any media knows what I am talking about.  I could not live in Armenia the way it is today.  Even in daily life I would probably have arguments with people in stores, banks and government offices. Because I know that as a human being and a woman I have rights and I could not let any one trample on my rights Armenian or not.

     Now I fully understand why people from all over the world or where ever there is no freedom chose to live in America.

     I have lived in America most of my adult life. I have come to take for granted most of the rights and freedoms that a great number of people on Earth still don't have. Living in America I have no fear of persecution because I am a woman, or a minority or a Christian, or a Democrat, or whatever I chose to be. There are countries that would put me in prison if I got raped, I would be stoned  to death If I had a lover. I would be mutilated if I was a girl in some countries. I would be killed and my church would be torched for being a Christian in some other country. There are countries that woman can't vote, or drive, or have property or travel without  permission from a male person. I don't want to live in a country that won't let girls to go to school or will marry them when they are a mere child.

     I am an Armenian, I speak, read and write my language fluently, I have kept our traditions and I am proud of my heritage. But I am also an Armenian who has chosen to live in America because America is still the greatest country on Earth.  Tomorrow my large family will barbecue, have lots of beer and watch fireworks.

Have a great and safe 4th of July my fellow Americans.

AN UNPLEASANT DREAM

I don't sleep well at night. Basically I'm a night owl. So after I wake up around 6:30 a.m. I have a cup of coffee and a cigarette I go back to bed and sleep a couple of hours. 

This morning I had a dream. In my dream people had gathered in my childhood home for a memorial.  The deceased  had died in a plane crash and his death was shocking and tragic. He was a charismatic and inspiring youth group leader. People who had gathered were all his disciples and I knew all of them. We used to be in the same organization, in the same groups. We had meetings together, went to camp together, and some of us had attended the same high school. 

Throughout the memorial I had a feeling that I was invisible. People past me by without a glance, no one said hello. I had the feeling that no one recognized me even though I remembered them. I didn't remember all their names but I remembered their faces. So I started to go up to some and tell them my name and ask theirs. Some of them would say "Oh, hi" and then walk away. Some didn't even bother to tell me their name. 

They all seemed to know and remember each other. I started to think maybe I looked odd, so I took off my jacket. I though they didn't like our house, so I started to straighten things up. I thought I wasn't being a good host so I started to offer tea, coffee and soft drinks. Nothing seemed to work, people were still ignoring me. 

Then suddenly it hit me. After all these years, they were still looking down on me like they had in high school.  I had moved to Tehran from a small town at tenth grade.  Back then in Iran it was customary to think that people from villages and small towns were less educated, backwards and in general, inferior.  Therefor I only had two friends, one was my childhood best friend who had moved from the same place as I, and the other was a nice person who had looked beyond where I had come from.  

I remember even then I was surprised at their behavior. I had never in my life experienced discrimination. Back in my old town I went to a public Iranian high school and even though I was from a religious minority I never felt discriminated against. If anything both teachers and students looked up to the Armenian students because we were good students, well mannered, and better dressed. However in Tehran in an Armenian high school among my own people I was being discriminated against and ignored. 

The behavior of my classmates puzzled me because I didn't see myself as inferior in any way.
I was smart, well read, came from an affluent family and dressed very modern. My mini skirts were as short as any of theirs and my platform shoes were as high as theirs. I wore knee high boots with my minis and long winter coats. My jeans were from America which my sister who lived there would bring for me. I don't remember being much bothered with the attitude of my classmates. I had a boyfriend at the time and he would take me to lunch everyday so I didn't even have time to make new friends. At the youth organization as the girls would ignore me, the boys liked me just fine. I remember hanging out with the boys and not feeling so bad for getting the cold shoulder by the girls.

This was a strange dream to say the least.  I've been thinking about it since waking up. I haven't seen any of these people since I left Iran, nor do I care to see.  It would be interesting however to see if they would behave like they did in my dream or if they have been enlightened. 

I wonder. 


P.S. I wish a psychologist would interpret my dream. I'm sure it says a lot about me as well as about my bigoted society.  

What Do I Stand For?

  

It's good to reaffirm your values and beliefs from time to time. I've been wondering about what do I stand for, what is important for me and the ideas that I value most. I had to think about this for a while and put things in order. So here it is.

• Freedom to live in peace
• Justice for all humans 
• Love and kindness towards children and women
• For all people to live comfortably and have enough to eat
• A clean environment
• Free education for all children of the world
• No more wars
• Democracy for all nations
• No nuclear weapons
• To treat animals with compassion

For me this would be an ideal world. I hope we can get there someday.

My Relationship With God

Every night right before I fall sleep I say to myself "Thank you God for this roof over my head, thanks for the one sleeping by my side and thanks for my children". It's difficult for me to admit to doing this because it sounds as if I'm praying. The reason it's difficult to admit this is because I am an atheist. I have been an atheist since I was probably a seven year old child. The reason I have been an Atheist is because I have always believed that if there was a God there would be no Armenian genocide. The sad truth is that the majority of Armenian children are taught about the genocide very early. That is our way to insure no one forgets, that each new generation feels the same sense of injustice and rage that the previous generations have felt, and also know that the Turks have not accepted the crimes they committed, that justice has not been served, that we still need our motherland back. As I became older and learned about the history of mankind my belief in none existence of Gad became stronger. I found out that there has been so many other genocides, so many injustices around the world. They happened in the ancient times and modern times. Atrocities happened in every nation, in every country, by people against their own kind and by their enemies. In a smaller scale horrible crimes are committed every day against women, children the elderly and last but not least against animals. If we are to believe in the kind of Gad that the different religions of the world are telling us about, that God is all knowing, he is everywhere, he is just, he is loving, he loves children and animals then it becomes hard to believe. I'm not a theologists, I have never wanted to read any religious books nor study any religion and maybe that is the problem, I don't know. When there were still people in my family that wanted to convince me about the existence of God they would say things such as God knows best. He knows what he is doing, everything has a reason. Even when horrible things happen to good people there is a good reason behind it. I buy none of it.

I do agree with Einstein because the universe is incomprehensible but all the rest not. 

That deep emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning power, which is revealed in the incomprehensible universe, forms my idea of God.

Albert Einstein